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I Make Good Life Choices!

Things created while drunk. Because I make good life choices.
Oct 28 '12

How to prepare for a hurricane:

Okay kiddies, for some of my New York (and other upper East coast friends), a hurricane is a scary thing that only happens in Florida. Luckily for you I’m a Floridian who now lives in New York so I’m here to teach you how to prepare for a hurricane!

  • BUY ALCOHOL NOW. If power goes out, you’ll get bored.
  • Fill your bathtub with water so if they shut the water off, you can still flush the toilet (use a cup to fill the toilet enough so it flushes)
  • Fill up every water bottle you have with water, or buy lots of water in case power goes out.
  • Buy Jesus candles from the bodega. They’re cheaper and last longer than normal candles and it’s less likely that all your panicked neighbors will have bought them.
  • Charge all your cool toys today before the storm. You’ll want your iPhone, laptop, kindle, iPad, iPod, iWhatever to work as long as possible.
  • Buy enough food that doesn’t require refrigeration to last you three days. Peanut butter sandwiches anyone?
  • Delete your internet browser history so in case you die, no one knows what kind of porn you like.
  • Put valuable papers into a ziplock bag. You’ll want things like your ID and passport in a safe, waterproof place.
  • Remove window screens and secure window A/C units. And if you’re lucky enough to have a porch or whatever, I hate you, but also remove any potential flying missiles like pumpkins and scarecrows.
  • Stop by an ATM and get some cash just in case.
  • If you ARE in an evacuation zone, EVACUATE. It’s annoying, but IF something happens and you stay, you’re not just taking a risk for yourself but also risking the lives of rescue workers.
  • Get junk food now. You’ll be bored.
  • If you’re a hipster with a battery powered radio, awesome. You can use that relic to get updates on the storm! (Spoiler alert: I don’t have a battery powered radio.)
  • Have batteries for your flashlights.
  • Put all your candles/flashlights/glowing mystical orbs in one location that’s easy to find in the dark. That way you’re not playing Helen Keller at 2am, trying to find a matchbox in a clutter drawer.
  • Take a shower TONIGHT in case your apartment loses power and you don’t get to shower again for three days.
  • You can buy baby wipes in case you don’t get to shower again for three days and you smell really horrible.
  • If taping a magical X on your window makes you feel safe, go ahead and do that but it doesn’t really do anything. Feel free to also put a line of salt on the window frame or sheeps blood above the door. These are equally effective at warding off danger.

Enjoy the hurricane, kids!

  1. timetravelingdwarf reblogged this from the-timelordwho-lived
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  4. hermitsoul reblogged this from eirenical and added:
    We don’t get many hurricanes where I live, but hey, these could also be useful in a zombie apocalypse.
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    I love Tumblr because just when you thought everyone forgot about that silly thing you wrote half a year ago, or that...
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    I’m SOOOO going to use half of this when we have windstorms again. Or the Ice storms.
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